Friday, August 24, 2012

Forget Judgment- Learning the art of Noticing

I don't know about you, but lately my Facebook has been...colorful.  Hot topics, people disagreeing- even dispising their opposition.  It breaks my heart as a person whose number one strength is connectedness.  I can always see both sides, and even if I disagree, I can always understand where the others are coming from.  I've actually had anxiety over the past month from my Facebook friends list of far left, far right, north and south and everything in between.  It's a neat mix, but I can't say that it doesn't overwhelm me.  And I've felt it.  I've been allowing judgments to creep in my mind...and I have gently reminded myself of the second blog post I ever wrote called "Noticing."  I feel that more than ever, I need this in my life, and maybe it will help you, too.

I have recently come across the idea of noticing in a few parenting books. It means realizing what your child likes, and instead of making a judgment statement to them, such as, "I love it when you color pretty pictures," or, "I love how well you dance," you should say, "Wow, I have noticed that you like to draw pictures for daddy, " or, "I've noticed how much you love to dance!" A subtlety, sure; but a significant one. One that makes a huge difference on the self esteem of a child. A child who has the freedom to grow up and be what they always dreamed of- not what they think would make some else- especially their parents- happy.

Today as I drove home, it was just beginning to snow, and there was a driver behind me who was clearly wanting to speed past. I started to get slightly irritated since the weather didn't provide clear driving conditions, and I had two babies in the backseat. Before allowing myself to further indulge my feeling to get over and give him a clear and direct point to the innocent children in the back seat and a furrowed brow, I thought of the idea of noticing.

What I noticed was that this man was in a hurry. Period. Ok. Got it. I'll move over for you. What's the problem with that? Am I really going to waste a single moment on some less-than-intelligent (woops, a judgment!) man that feels the need to get somewhere 30 seconds faster than I do? OK, so I won't get upset. I won't judge him. I won't waste time. I'll simply notice. Notice he is in a hurry.

This little idea has such dramatic implications on the happiness, the peace, and the extra moments I'll own thinking of something brighter. It goes beyond road rage. It can be used anytime someone talks about something they enjoy, something they dislike- it's a way to know someone and their values without judging that they are different than you. This is the most freeing thought process, and is, in my experience, the easiest way to get away from judging others! In the end I will be glad knowing that I didn't allow the anger and frustration over someone else's value system to rob me.


  1. Great post, Anna. Very apt in these days of hurry, haste and yes, anxious social media. I've just put your book on my wish list on Amazon. I am awaiting the birth of a friend's baby and will buy it as a first may be a while before he/she can use it, though, but it sounds like a good start! I understand that you also review books, so I am also hoping to ask you to review my slightly older child's book and am wondering how I should go about that. Could you contact me if you have time? I also have a blog http// There is a link to my book, The Skipper's Child, in the side bar in case you want a quick peak to see if it's something you would be willing to do.

    1. Hi VallyP!
      I appreciate your thoughts, and also am so excited that you have my book in mind for a gift for your friends baby! It is a great baby gift! I would also be happy to review your book- you can email me at Most people send me an ebook version. I have several books to review, so it won't be immediately, but I will get to it as soon as I can! Thanks again, Anna