Thursday, March 25, 2010

evaluating my quest

Today is a day to evaluate. To evaluate my performance in living a life with no regrets. It's been about 3 months since I began this "official" journey and blogging about it, and I feel more caring for those around me. I feel refined. Possibly even resplendant.

Each day has brought its own joys, successes and failures. But I will say this; I honestly think I had more successes. It's amazing how focusing on one change in attitude can make such an impact. I know that my...what... two reader's?? Are counting on me! And, more than that, I am counting on myself to make this life, however fleeting it may be, my most wonderful life.

These paragraphs are elusive at best, and I understand if you find yourself wondering if anything concrete has happened in my life in the past 3 months, but I am in a mood that is taking me above the trees looking down- not at eye level.

What I will say is this: I really love living my life through a "no regrets" filter. A God filter. I find myself loving when maybe I wouldn't have loved before. I find myself saying, "They don't owe me anything, and that's OK." Even when my feelings are hurt. I have found that my day-to-day blunders as a housewife are so minimal compared to the absolute joy of being a mother to the two most beautiful and awe-inspiring children I have ever met. To say to myself, it's OK to have people over and to stop apologizing for my house being a mess because I felt it was more important to get on the floor and build blocks with my kids than to do the dishes. I KNOW I won't regret this. Yes, it is stressful when evening comes and I have dishes in the sink, piles of laundry to fold, emails to return, a husband to talk with, and several books left unread on my nightstand. But they won't win.

One thing I have done is give Noah lot's of "special" jobs if there is a task I need to get done. We have one special chore that we do each morning. Cleaning the bathroom, or folding clothes...etc. Noah may knock over my piles of laundry, but was that hour of me folding really wasted? No. Work is never wasted. You can always learn something, and you can use it as a teachable moment for your child. I am not giving up on my special quest to live my life with Noah, Natalie and Jeremy at my side, laughing, crying, talking, giggling, tickling, and other real life things. It is certainly the best place to be.

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