Have you ever wondered what life would be like if you never watched TV? If you didn't even own a TV? Would we sit around and listen to papa play the fiddle after catching up on some reading or knitting? This picture is just what I long for. I'll admit that I would love a throwback to the days of Laura Ingalls- when your family and close friends were all that mattered. When working hard and loving well were enough to fulfill a life, and there wasn't much time for anything else.
Books like "Stargirl" inspire me to live a succulent and meaningful life despite the thoughts and possible judgments of others. The beauty is knowing that this type of life is what will encourage others to do the same after their initial uncomfortable feelings wear off. When they realize that maybe you're onto something better- onto something daring. Big. Beautiful. Maybe even a little wild. WHY NOT?
Part of this life, for Jeremy and I, is to cancel cable. Not that there is anything wrong with it, and it has its place; but the pull to sit down after a long day and turn into two vegetables on the couch watching TV is a real threat for us, and we really feel like someting else could be more valuable to us. Yay for movie night. Yay for NCIS, my favorite show. BUT, isn't that enough? My vote is for something different the other nights of the week. Hold me accountable, will you? Goodbye, Direct TV: it's been average.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Me, Happier: Part 2 (parenting changes)
So, my last blog randomly became about forgiveness when originally I hadn't intended to write on the topic. Today I thought I would continue sharing the reasons that my stress and frustration levels have gone down so much. The theme today is: parenting changes.
Parenitng. The joys. The absolute joys. Truly. This is not sarcasm. I have never meant that phrase sarcasticly, but my frustration level several months ago was high, and I had no sense of what to do to solve the problems for my child. These "problems" included everything from not listening to my directions and agressiveness towards other children. I remember sobbing by 10:00 in the morning because nothing was going right!
So, after reading piles of literature on parenting, I realized why a lot of my trial and error was more error than anything else. OK, I'll admit, I can talk an ear off an elephant, and I suppose this encouraged a few lectures. Lectures to a two year old. How ridiculous! I really thought that my insight would sink in, but in reality it would backfire and he would yell something like, "I will never do lojsdflkjksdnfalkndfkldfa (two year old banter)!" Funny now. Not so much in the moment.
So, what I have realized is parenting is much more about my self discipline than my child. They need a guide to teach them what behavior is acceptable, and what isn't. I have learned to love 'mis'behavior, because I have the opportunity to teach them what is right and wrong while the cost is so low. Many parents get in the way with their own agenda, and make their child pay the high price for unacceptable behavior when they're grown up.
I would love to share some of the parenting strategy specifics, but there is SO much rich information, and it all flows so beautifully together. I would highly recommend sprinting to the bookstore or amazon.com and buying "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" by Dr. Becky Baily, and "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood" by Dr. Jim and Charles Fay. They have monumentally changed my life forever.
Parenitng. The joys. The absolute joys. Truly. This is not sarcasm. I have never meant that phrase sarcasticly, but my frustration level several months ago was high, and I had no sense of what to do to solve the problems for my child. These "problems" included everything from not listening to my directions and agressiveness towards other children. I remember sobbing by 10:00 in the morning because nothing was going right!
So, after reading piles of literature on parenting, I realized why a lot of my trial and error was more error than anything else. OK, I'll admit, I can talk an ear off an elephant, and I suppose this encouraged a few lectures. Lectures to a two year old. How ridiculous! I really thought that my insight would sink in, but in reality it would backfire and he would yell something like, "I will never do lojsdflkjksdnfalkndfkldfa (two year old banter)!" Funny now. Not so much in the moment.
So, what I have realized is parenting is much more about my self discipline than my child. They need a guide to teach them what behavior is acceptable, and what isn't. I have learned to love 'mis'behavior, because I have the opportunity to teach them what is right and wrong while the cost is so low. Many parents get in the way with their own agenda, and make their child pay the high price for unacceptable behavior when they're grown up.
I would love to share some of the parenting strategy specifics, but there is SO much rich information, and it all flows so beautifully together. I would highly recommend sprinting to the bookstore or amazon.com and buying "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" by Dr. Becky Baily, and "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood" by Dr. Jim and Charles Fay. They have monumentally changed my life forever.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Me, Happier
I was thinking to myself yesterday how much lighter my heart is now than it used to be. In my heart, I truly feel rest. Peace. Joy. Even with a busy toddler and a newborn, I find myself rarely stressed at the end of the day. This is a change. I have always been happy, but I can definitely assure you that the past year has proven itself to be very difficult, and I felt a great burden in my heart- even on a "good day."
This feeling of rest crept up on me, and treated me to a grand realization that life is good. It really is. My circumstances haven't changed- in fact, they are worse in some ways. I am taking an extended maternity leave with no money in the bank after a frank call from God to be "mommy at home." God wasn't kidding when he said that following His call wasn't easy, but it sure brings rest to the soul.
Other contributing factors? Yes. This blog! Knowing I'm living my life without regret gives me peace of spirit. How could it not?
Exercising. A lot. Yes, this is always a great boost of the lovely endorphins in my brain.
Choosing to use simple consequences that speak for themselves instead of yelling at Noah or getting frustrated and overwhelmed.
Today, my story is forgiveness. The mysterious artform that developes all too late for many people. I have had certain ebs and flows in my life where I held to something painful in my heart. Instead of letting it go I allowed it to fester and grow into a small piece of bitterness below a bubbly exterior. If I let the hurt go, I was saying to myself that it didn't hurt, or that it was OK, and to me; it wasn't. I wanted "them" to understand how much "they" hurt me. I wanted to hear, "I'm sorry." And let's face it, I still want to hear, "I'm sorry."
After years- yes, years; I have finally spoken to a few of the people in my life and let them know how I felt. How much I hurt. Not everyone, (not like there are a lot)but sometimes you have to wait for the right moment. Maybe it's because I'm not ready. Maybe they're the one who isn't ready to hear. Regardless, I'm waiting. Wiating for the conversation, but I'm not waiting to let go.
One of my favorite quotes is from Max Lucado, and it has impacted my life tremendously. He says, "God will never call you to give anyone more grace than He has already given you." Wow. Forgiveness doesn't justify anything. It doesn't mean you are admitting fault, or admitting they were right. It just sets you free. That's all. Will the pain or the memory be gone in that instance? No. Sometimes there are layers upon layers of feelings that come out at different times of your life, or when new memories come to mind. But, at that moment, do yourself a great favor and make the choice to forgive them again. Forgive that person for that moment as many times as you need to. Forgive them again and again. And maybe again.
Setting yourself free from the devastating effects of bitterness or anger will promote a new life. A life that isn't free from difficult times, but one that chooses a perspective of joy. A heart that has rest for you, and for those around you. I truly hope that over time, Jeremy will notice that I am happier at the end of the day. That there aren't little bits of yuckiness in my heart that can creep out and bite at the first sign of a crying baby, or a toddler who doesn't feel like listening. That, my heart has a restfulness knowing that I won't regret having held onto something that held me back instead of allowing for a joyful song.
This feeling of rest crept up on me, and treated me to a grand realization that life is good. It really is. My circumstances haven't changed- in fact, they are worse in some ways. I am taking an extended maternity leave with no money in the bank after a frank call from God to be "mommy at home." God wasn't kidding when he said that following His call wasn't easy, but it sure brings rest to the soul.
Other contributing factors? Yes. This blog! Knowing I'm living my life without regret gives me peace of spirit. How could it not?
Exercising. A lot. Yes, this is always a great boost of the lovely endorphins in my brain.
Choosing to use simple consequences that speak for themselves instead of yelling at Noah or getting frustrated and overwhelmed.
Today, my story is forgiveness. The mysterious artform that developes all too late for many people. I have had certain ebs and flows in my life where I held to something painful in my heart. Instead of letting it go I allowed it to fester and grow into a small piece of bitterness below a bubbly exterior. If I let the hurt go, I was saying to myself that it didn't hurt, or that it was OK, and to me; it wasn't. I wanted "them" to understand how much "they" hurt me. I wanted to hear, "I'm sorry." And let's face it, I still want to hear, "I'm sorry."
After years- yes, years; I have finally spoken to a few of the people in my life and let them know how I felt. How much I hurt. Not everyone, (not like there are a lot)but sometimes you have to wait for the right moment. Maybe it's because I'm not ready. Maybe they're the one who isn't ready to hear. Regardless, I'm waiting. Wiating for the conversation, but I'm not waiting to let go.
One of my favorite quotes is from Max Lucado, and it has impacted my life tremendously. He says, "God will never call you to give anyone more grace than He has already given you." Wow. Forgiveness doesn't justify anything. It doesn't mean you are admitting fault, or admitting they were right. It just sets you free. That's all. Will the pain or the memory be gone in that instance? No. Sometimes there are layers upon layers of feelings that come out at different times of your life, or when new memories come to mind. But, at that moment, do yourself a great favor and make the choice to forgive them again. Forgive that person for that moment as many times as you need to. Forgive them again and again. And maybe again.
Setting yourself free from the devastating effects of bitterness or anger will promote a new life. A life that isn't free from difficult times, but one that chooses a perspective of joy. A heart that has rest for you, and for those around you. I truly hope that over time, Jeremy will notice that I am happier at the end of the day. That there aren't little bits of yuckiness in my heart that can creep out and bite at the first sign of a crying baby, or a toddler who doesn't feel like listening. That, my heart has a restfulness knowing that I won't regret having held onto something that held me back instead of allowing for a joyful song.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Jeremy Inspire's Me
Jeremy, my most fabulous husband, inspire's me for many reasons, and several of them fall into the category of "no regrets." Jeremy beautifully demonstrates the importance of saying a meaningful goodbye every morning, or anytime he leaves the house without me and the kids. Here is a great example...
It's 7:15 am. Absolutely the last minute Jeremy can leave the house and still make it to work on time. We called for Noah to come say goodbye, but he yells, "No!" Jer gives me a big kiss goodbye, has one foot out the door, and we hear Noah come rushing down the stairs saying, "Daddy, wait! I need hugs and kisses, daddy!!" And here's Jeremy; one foot out the door, late again. Haven't we all been there? Jeremy will always come back inside and give him his full heart, and a great big hug and kiss. Without the feeling of being rushed. He takes in that goodbye and makes Noah feel like his daddy is present in that moment with him. It is a beautiful thing to watch.
I love that my husband doesn't think being to work 25 seconds later than he would be otherwise is somehow more important than his son knowing his daddy loves him. There are so many more moments and truths that Jeremy teaches me about living with no regrets, and I will gladly share more inspiring details in the future...
It's 7:15 am. Absolutely the last minute Jeremy can leave the house and still make it to work on time. We called for Noah to come say goodbye, but he yells, "No!" Jer gives me a big kiss goodbye, has one foot out the door, and we hear Noah come rushing down the stairs saying, "Daddy, wait! I need hugs and kisses, daddy!!" And here's Jeremy; one foot out the door, late again. Haven't we all been there? Jeremy will always come back inside and give him his full heart, and a great big hug and kiss. Without the feeling of being rushed. He takes in that goodbye and makes Noah feel like his daddy is present in that moment with him. It is a beautiful thing to watch.
I love that my husband doesn't think being to work 25 seconds later than he would be otherwise is somehow more important than his son knowing his daddy loves him. There are so many more moments and truths that Jeremy teaches me about living with no regrets, and I will gladly share more inspiring details in the future...
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Noticing
I have recently come across the idea of noticing in a few parenting books. It means realizing what your child likes, and instead of making a judgment statement to them, such as, "I love it when you color pretty pictures," or, "I love how well you dance," you should say, "Wow, I have noticed that you like to draw pictures for daddy, " or, "I've noticed how much you love to dance!" A subtlety, sure; but a significant one. One that makes a huge difference on the self esteem of a child. A child who has the freedom to grow up and be what they always dreamed of- not what they think would make some else- especially their parents- happy.
Today as I drove home, it was just beginning to snow, and there was a driver behind me who was clearly wanting to speed past. I started to get slightly irritated since the weather didn't provide clear driving conditions, and I had two babies in the backseat. Before allowing myself to further indulge my feeling to get over and give him a clear and direct point to the innocent children in the back seat and a furrowed brow, I thought of the idea of noticing.
What I noticed was that this man was in a hurry. Period. Ok. Got it. I'll move over for you. What's the problem with that? Am I really going to waste a single moment on some less-than-intelligent (woops, a judgment!) man that feels the need to get somewhere 30 seconds faster than I do? OK, so I won't get upset. I won't judge him. I won't waste time. I'll simply notice. Notice he is in a hurry.
This little idea has such dramatic implications on the happiness, the peace, and the extra moments I'll own thinking of something brighter. It goes beyond road rage. It can be used anytime someone talks about something they enjoy, something they dislike- it's a way to know someone and their values without judging that they are different than you. This is the most freeing thought process, and is, in my experience, the easiest way to get away from judging others! In the end I will be glad knowing that I didn't allow the anger and frustration over someone else's value system to rob me.
Today as I drove home, it was just beginning to snow, and there was a driver behind me who was clearly wanting to speed past. I started to get slightly irritated since the weather didn't provide clear driving conditions, and I had two babies in the backseat. Before allowing myself to further indulge my feeling to get over and give him a clear and direct point to the innocent children in the back seat and a furrowed brow, I thought of the idea of noticing.
What I noticed was that this man was in a hurry. Period. Ok. Got it. I'll move over for you. What's the problem with that? Am I really going to waste a single moment on some less-than-intelligent (woops, a judgment!) man that feels the need to get somewhere 30 seconds faster than I do? OK, so I won't get upset. I won't judge him. I won't waste time. I'll simply notice. Notice he is in a hurry.
This little idea has such dramatic implications on the happiness, the peace, and the extra moments I'll own thinking of something brighter. It goes beyond road rage. It can be used anytime someone talks about something they enjoy, something they dislike- it's a way to know someone and their values without judging that they are different than you. This is the most freeing thought process, and is, in my experience, the easiest way to get away from judging others! In the end I will be glad knowing that I didn't allow the anger and frustration over someone else's value system to rob me.
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